He returns your kiss with his eyes open, like he’s not entirely sure you’re real. You want to ask him who he is, but you’re afraid to frighten him, and somehow you know that that question will frighten him.
When he pulls back again, he looks at you curiously and asks, “do I know you?”
"No," you answer. "We’ve never met. But you seemed…sad." The hand under your shirt slides down, resting on your side, warm and still.
"I had a mission." The metal hand clenches into a fist against your back. "I failed. Or I refused. I don’t know…" He’s looking away now, into the water, and he rolls his shoulder, as if trying to dislodge something clinging there. Your eyes are drawn to the movement. The place where the artificial arm meets his body is scarred over, roughly, and you realize that whatever care went into crafting this technology, very little went into fusing it with the man who wears it. When he notices you looking at it, he starts to pull away, to let go of you, but you put one hand on his arm to keep him in place while you lean forward to kiss the seam, holding your body against his. His embrace is still loose, but he does not pull away.
"Is this okay?" you ask.
The question sparks something in him, something hungry and needy. “Yes,” he answers. “Hell yes.” He kisses you again, dragging his tongue along your lips until you open your mouth for him. His arm tightens around you again, his free hand reaching up to let your hair down so he can tangle his fingers in it. He pulls on it, just enough to make you gasp, and he takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, and you moan into his mouth, suddenly feeling very overdressed, desperate to feel his skin against your own.
I’m in love with the idea of Dean realizing he’s in love with Cas because of the most mundane things Castiel does.
Like maybe one day, Dean sees Castiel padding around the bunker in socks. Socks. And he realizes, “Dammit, I’m in love with this man.”
Or maybe it’s in the way Castiel scans over the newspaper in the mornings while he sips his coffee. And Dean just looks at him and thinks, “I am so fucking in love with you.”
And of course it could be over the way Castiel’s ties now hang straight and Dean realizes it bothers him, because it doesn’t look right, it doesn’t look like Cas. It’s also at that moment he realizes, “I love you so much my chest hurts with the weight of it.”
Or maybe it’s always having to remind Castiel not to leave his shoes where they can be tripped over, or the way the other guy watches T.V. with a furrowed brow, like he’s trying to understand the obscenities of daytime television. Or maybe it’s in the way Castiel is a complete grump in the mornings until he’s had a shower and at least two cups of coffee. Or perhaps it happens when Dean catches Castiel humming a Zep song while doing the dishes, hands and forearms covered in suds and blotched red from the hot water…
Or maybe it’s all of those things and one day everything comes to a head and Dean can’t stand being around the guy anymore because every time they’re in the same room together all Dean can concentrate on are Cas’ hands and his lips and hair and the way his voice is rougher after he’s just woke up, or the spaces he seems to fill in Dean’s life, spaces Dean never thought could be filled. And Dean realizes he’s either got to end their friendship here and now forever because it’s scary how much he wants to be more with Cas and he’s not sure the fallen angel can reciprocate that or he has tell Cas how he’s feeling. So he approaches Castiel with a pounding heart and an aching head because holy fuck he’s going to ask Castiel to leave, again, and he doesn’t want to, but it’s for both of their own good, right? But Dean finds him in the kitchen, seated at the table eating scrambled eggs for crying out loud, and then instead of talking Dean is bending down and brushing his lips against Castiel’s. Gently, like a whisper, and Castiel is staring up at Dean with the biggest, bluest eyes in the entire fucking universe and holy shit Dean loves him. He loves him. He loves him and there’s no way in hell Castiel is going anywhere ever again and while Dean is processing all of this Castiel is standing from the kitchen table and pulling Dean against him with two fists full of Dean’s sleep shirt and crushing their lips together in a kiss that says, “Me too.”
You toss and you turn in the depths of your indecision
But one thing has always been clear.
He is the source of your faith, the fuel to your inferno.
You lift his sleeve and you feel a hole punch itself in your gut.
No, not him, anyone but him.
Damn it, Dean.
You grit your teeth and it takes everything you have
To let him leave your sight again.
All that you know is that you can’t bear to see it.
He is falling as you fell twice over.
The tremor in his brother’s voice as he tells of the incident
Twists in your gut like a white-hot serpent of worry
You know he’s getting worse but there’s nothing you can do.
It will consume him in flame until he’s a shell.
You question your absent father and wonder if this was his plan.
This could not have been his plan.
But you know that you’ll fight through hell a thousand times
Sap your soul until there’s nothing left
If you can use it to stitch him back together.
An army at your side and yet you’re powerless.
They look to you as a leader, as the man who would be king
But you can’t even save the one person who deserves it.
Your righteous man is falling, and you can no longer be his wings.
Let’s play a game.
Type the following words into your tags box, then post the first automatic tag that comes up.
you, also, what, when, why, how, look, because, never
the use of the term ‘bitch’ in an episode where the most important players on the board were women is sort of stupidly important.
on the rocky road to individuation one ends up crossing paths with one’s anima or animus -anima for men and the animus for women- and dean has been crossing paths with aspects of his anima all season long. with robin - with suzie - even charlie.
and in this episode dean crosses paths with three women, all of whom represent aspects of his personality and experiences and trauma. dean is the bad mother selfishly bent on keeping her daughter by her side at all costs, dean is alex/annie, the child who has been shaped into a monster by the choices of her parents, and dean is even jody mills, defender of the innocent and protector of the weak.
dean’s go-to insult is always ‘bitch, and that is in part because of the fact that he has never in his life come to terms with his feminine aspects.
#yeah that struck me as particualarly shocking in this ep in a way that’s different from all the other times#cause yeah usually it’s just writers conveying their own sexism thorugh the portal of dean’s mouth#but here it felt so jilted#in a moment that#was obv meant to seem like Dean teetering over the edge#coming undone#clearly scared and compelled by the power of the mark at once#when Dean was talking about vampires’ inherent corruption#coming from Dean#who had HIMSELF been turned#you just know those awful#acidic words#were more about himself
Sebastian Stan gets choked up talking about how much his mother means to him…